Unlikely Love
by best thing since cookies
Summary: Formerly Unlikely Love and Bad Things. Title subject to change. Different ending to Yesterday. MerMark. Rewriting it.
1. Prologue

I would like to apologize for two things: for deleting such a long story and for not touching this story for over a year. I'm rewriting and revising a lot of it. There were things that were so tangled that it was impossible to wrap them up...which is why I'm rewriting it.

Prologue

Meredith slowly came to awareness with the realization that she was going to be arriving at work with yet another hangover. She opened and closed her mouth a few times to rid herself of cottonmouth. She shifted in her half-asleep state and froze.

Beside her, pressed against the right side of her body, was something warm and very _alive_. Swallowing thickly, Meredith slowly opened her eyes and was met with the peacefull sleeping face of her ex-boyfriend's ex-best friend. She remembered his offer to buy her a drink the night before, as well as the topic of their discussion: Derek and Addison.

"Oh no," Meredith whispered, horrified. She was no stranger to getting drunk and sleeping with innappropriate men, but Mark Sloan was in a different, way more innappropriate category all together. Very carefully, she sat up and nearly groaned out loud when the room started spinning.

The room they were in obviously did not belong to Meredith--they were in Mark's hotel room. It was probably better because her room mates wouldn't see Mark sneaking out. However, it presented a whole new set of problems for Meredith. Her stealth skills were virtually nonexistant, and she needed to get out before Mark woke up.

Meredith looked at the clock. It was nearly 4 a.m. She carefully wrapped the sheet around herself and inched her way out of bed so she could make her swift getaway.

Her feet planted firmly on the ground, Meredith mentally congratulated herself on her success and took a step forward. And tripped very smoothly over the tangled sheet wrapped around her legs.

At that moment, Meredith decided sex was bad. It was good, but it was very bad. Trouble always seemed to follow whever she had sex.

Mark groggily peeked over the side of the bed. His head was pounding, and he wasn't about to try to figure out the weird patterns of his new bed buddy. "What are you doing on the floor?" he asked gruffly.

Meredith watched him run his hand through his hair, messing it up more than it already was. "Not sure," she answered truthfully. All rational thought took flight when she saw his face. He really was McSteamy.

Mark sighed and held out his hand. "Come on. It's way too early for this."

Meredith hesitantly took his hand, and he pulled her to her feet. The sheet tangled around her tiny form slipped, and Mark chuckled when she scrambled to cover herself. "Don't worry," he leered. "It's nothing I didn't see last night."

Meredith was mortified. This was a new low for her. She was okay with her life style. She didn't care what people thought about her one-night stands. But she definitely wasn't okay with the immense guilt and not so subtle dirtiness of her act.

The smirk faded and Mark looked concerned. "Too soon to joke about it?" he asked sympathetically.

Meredith nodded meekly while discreetly looking for clothes. They were scattered in various places throughout the room. "What about Addison and Derek?" she blurted, her gaze centering back onto his face.

Mark groaned. "Your pillow talk sucks," he informed her bluntly. He began noticing the destruction that was his hotel room. All the lights were on and the mini-bar was devoid of all alcohol.

Meredith gave him a very serious look. "I don't do pillow talk."

Mark rolled his eyes and grabbed her wrist. "Then stop talking and help me rid myself of this headache." He pulled her on top of him.

Meredith couldn't contain her moan when Mark kissed her. Going home could wait a while longer.

-

The next time Meredith woke up, there were a pair of strong arms around her and Mark was nuzzling her neck in his sleep. Meredith was not a cuddler, even with Derek. Even so, being in Mark's arms felt good, if only because of the safety they offered.

Meredith sighed softly, realizing she'd have to face the light of day eventually. She glanced at the clock and threw back the blankets with a strangled yelp. Bailey was going to kill her.

Mark woke at the strange sound. That, and the surge of cool air where Meredith had been seconds before. "'S wrong?" he asked.

"I was supposed to be at the hospital twenty minutes ago!" She hurriedly pulled on her pants and held up her shirt. It reeked of alcohol, and there was long rip along the side.

"Here," Mark graciously offered a green button-down whirt. Meredith took it and was about to put it on when Mark held up her bra. "Missing something?" He grinned devilishly and held it out of her reach when she grabbed for it.

"I don't have time for this," Meredith snapped, snatching the bra from his grasp. She pulled her shoes on as she ran to the door. She hesitated before going out. "I had a great time...Have a nice flight."

"I had a nice time too," he assured her belatedly as the door clicked shut. He laid back with a satisfied grin. There were still a few hours until he had to be out of the hotel and he planned to spent that time sleeping.


	2. So Contagious

_So Contagious_

Meredith stretched out in bed, staring at the ceiling. Her thoughts wandered to the events of her terrible day, combined with the events from the night before. She answered no direct questions about the night before, but Cristina, more than anyone else, was sneaky about getting her to answer subtle questions. Her spacey, flustered manner did not help her case in the least, but she managed to wiggle out of an explanation.

The truth was the memories from the night before came back at the most inopportune moments throughout the day. The memories were good ones, but they made things especially difficult at work.

When she was talking to her patient's gay parents, she remembered Mark ripping her shirt off in drunken impatience after fumbling clumsily with the buttons. At lunch, she remembered raiding the mini bar and almost choking on a cashew when Mark blew a raspberry on her belly.

It was worst in the elevator with Derek. She tried to have a normal, at least for them, conversation with him while remembering Mark pushing her against the elevator wall in his hotel building and kissing her senseless.

At the end of the day, Meredith watched from the second story as the Shepherds left the hospital, laughing as Derek assisted his limping wife to the car. She remembered waking up feeling safe and content in the arms of the man who was indirectly responsible for her heartbreak.

Meredith moved over to make room for Izzie when she slipped into the room. "You look nice," she commented approvingly when Izzie took a seat at the foot of the bed.

"Nice shirt," Izzie countered with a grin. She looked happy.

Meredith briefly entertained the idea of kicking the enthusiastic blonde but immediately discarded the idea. "It's comfortable," she said dismissively. "Plans with Alex?"

Izzie smirked knowingly. "Subject change much?" She held up her hands when Meredith gave her a dirty look. "No, not with Alex," she relented.

"Not with Alex but with someone?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Who?"

"Who did you spend the night with last night?" Izzie countered.

"I'm going to sleep now." Meredith closed her eyes for emphasis.

Izzie stretched out beside her roomate. "I'll find out sooner or later," Izzie pointed out. "There aren't that many people you would have clandestine sex with—" She suddenly gasped and sat up, practically laying on top of Meredith. "It was McDreamy, wasn't it? He was so upset about—"

Meredith's snort cut her off. "No!" Meredith firmly pushed at Izzie's shoulders until she sat up. "Listen, Iz. It was in a hotel room. I woke up alone," she lied.

"So no name, no face, just a shirt?" Izzie asked skeptically.

"Yeah." Meredith shrugged it off awkwardly. "Mine was—ripped."

Izzie laughed. "Nice going, Mer."

Meredith closed her eyes and tried to block out the mental picture of Mark's smoldering looks or his great, very naked, body.

"I was with Denny," Izzie admitted.

Meredith's eyes popped open. "What?"

"Denny was brought back in, and I blew Alex off to have dinner with him," she said guiltily.

Meredith was silent, sensing that Izzie wasn't quite finished sharing. She was right.

"Sex with Alex is good. Great even. It's just..."

"You can't forgive him for sleeping with Olivia," Meredith concluded.

"It's not that," Izzie said truthfully. "Denny is the anti-Alex. He's sweet and kind and...admittedly a little perverted, but...I don't know. He's a patient, and I'm an intern."

"So, have you forgiven Alex?"

"I really think I have," Izzie said, "but it's complicated."

"Story of my life," Meredith quipped.

"Complicated sucks," Izzie said heartily.

"Yeah," Meredith said.

"But right now I'm too tired to care," Izzie said with a yawn, pulling the blankets over herself.

Meredith drifted to sleep not long after Izzie's breathing evened out. For the first time in a long time, Derek wasn't the leading role in her dreams.

Several weeks later, Meredith was still being plagued by Mark but in a very different, less pleasant way. She moaned pitifully as she knealt in her bathroom and threw up the contents of her stomach. She had been vomiting at random times throughout the past couple of weeks. Lately, she'd been really stressed and hadn't been eating properly. The headaches, the dizziness, the vomiting...all stress related.

"Stupid Mark," she muttered as she flushed the toilet. He was the cause of her stress. Since he'd left nearly a month and a half earlier, he was all she could think about. Her sleepless nights? Filled with thoughts about Mark. Her clumsy behavior and inability to pay attention to anything for a lengthy amount of time? Due to naked Mark thoughts. Her inability to be around Derek or Addison? Guilt. For sleeping with Mark.

"Meredith?" Izzie called, throwing the door open. "Where's—have you been throwing up?" Her nose wrinkled unattractively and she looked profoundly disgusted.

"Yeah," Meredith said as she readied her toothbrush. No sense in lying when it was obvious. Hiding it wasn't exactly difficult due to the self-absorption that took up most everyone's time.

"Are you okay?" Izzie asked worriedly.

"It's just stress," Meredith said around her toothbrush. "I haven't been sleeping too well."

"Or eating too well," Izzie pointed out. "What's up?"

Meredith rinsed off her toothbrush and put it back in the holder. "Nothing," she lied. It was sad how good at lying she was becoming.

"Okay," Izzie said doubtfully. "Have you seen my shoes? I can't find them anywhere."

"No," Meredith said honestly. She could barely keep up with her own clothing, much less anyone else's. She breezed past Izzie so she could finish readying herself for work.

-

Meredith waited with Izzie for the two ambulances that were coming in. The other interns were assigned to their respective attendings while Izzie and Meredith were left to cover the pit. There were plenty of patients to go around due to a fire at Mercy West, which shut down at least three wings of the hospital, including the ER. That left Seattle Grace and the surrounding hospitals to receive the brunt of the emergencies, as well as several of Mercy West's patients.

"So Addison says you've been avoiding her," Izzie said casually.

Meredith was pulled from her thoughts. "What?"

"You. Addison. Avoiding."

Meredith's eyebrows drew together. "Addison's avoiding me?"

Izzie rolled her eyes as an ambulance backed in. "We'll talk later." It wasn't so much a promise as a threat, and Meredith made a mental note to avoid Izzie for the rest of the day.

The next few hours passed in a blur as Meredith was completely and totally sucked into a case involving a five-year-old girl with a brain tumor. She was an in-patient at Mercy West with anaplastic astrocytomas, grade three. It was a very tragic situation that Meredith couldn't help but get involved with.

Derek breezed into the room with a wide smile, his gaze flickering from the small girl to Meredith, who was writing diligently in a chart. "Madeline," he said. "How do you feel?"

The girl frowned deeply. "My name is _not_ Madeline. It's _Maddie. _I want Sarah, and I'm really hungry." Her wispy blonde hair was pulled into pigtails. It was dramatically thinner towards the base of her head than on the crown of her head, showing the effects of radiation therapy. It took away none of her adorable looks and it was, thankfully for her, barely noticeable.

Derek took out his penlight to check her optic responses. "I believe your sister has been alerted about your move to Seattle Grace. She should be here soon."

"She's here now." Standing in the doorway was a teenager girl no older than sixteen, looking extremely worried. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," Derek said truthfully. "The ride over was uneventful as far as a can tell, but Dr. Grey here is going to run some tests to make sure they coincide with the records we've received from Mercy West."

"Did you get all the records from the other hospitals too?" Sarah asked.

Derek glanced at Meredith, who quickly jumped in. "We've had her complete medical history on file for some time. Because of the location of the tumor, Dr. Walker—the surgeon from Mercy West—was consulting with Dr. Shepherd about the best course of action."

Sarah nodded understandingly. "Of course. Dr. Shepherd is one of the best surgeons in his field." She smiled tiredly at their surprised faces. "My baby sister is sick. I've done my homework."

Maddie looked between Sarah and Derek. "I'm not a baby," she clarified. "I'm five years old, and babies can't read. I can read."

Sarah smirked. "I wasn't calling you a baby, Maddie," she indulged. Glancing at Derek, she said shortly, "Our mother should be by later."

Meredith followed Derek into the hall at his beckoning. "Are you alright?" he asked. "You're pale and—well, I saw you run into the bathroom earlier with your hand over your mouth."

Feeling slightly defensive, Meredith crossed her arms under her chest. "Stop watching me. You aren't allowed to watch me, Dr. Shepherd. Now I've been looking over Maddie's case and—"

"I've already talked to Dr. Walker. I'm taking Maddie's case," he assured her.

Meredith felt slightly reassured by that. "Okay, well—"

"I have a conference call with a few of her previous doctors," Derek said gently. "We'll decide on a course of treatment from there." He paused, looking unsure. "Are you sure you're okay? Because if you're sick."

"I'm _fine_," she said emphatically, staring at him severely until he turned and walked away.

-

Meredith was ready to scream.

"How much is this going to cost me?"

Sarah watched her mother warily, thankful they weren't in Maddie's room for the confrontation. "Mom, Memaw pays the medical bills—"

"Sarah," Ms. Johnson snapped. "It doesn't matter who pays the medical bills. Maddie is switching doctors _again_." She put her hand to her head. "I have to go."

Sarah grabbed Meredith's arm when she moved to go after the mother. "If you need parental consent, I'll get it for you. She's not going to be very cooperative." She glanced at her cell phone. "The boys will be here any minute to see Maddie."

Meredith watched the younger girl warily. "Do you generally make the medical decisions on your sister's behalf?"

Sarah shrugged. "Better me than her." She jerked her head toward the parking lot. "My mom isn't the most responsible human being on the planet."

"And you are?"

Sarah shrugged. "I'm a hell of a lot more responsible than most people. I'm not into drugs, alcohol, or anything else. I don't even have sex. I can't say that much for most of the people I go to school with. Hell, I can't even say that about my little brothers."

Maturity was relative, but Meredith didn't think she could even say she was as mature as the young girl before her. "So you're going to meet with Derek and the other doctors to decide the next course of action for your sister's treatment?"

Sarah shrugged apathetically. "Who else if not me?"

_Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)  
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this  
You're the only one I would take a shot on  
Keep me hanging on so contagiously_


	3. Things You Say

Derek stared into the darkness, trying to put together his feelings. Meredith was first and foremost in his mind. She was being weird. Weirder than usual, he mentally reassessed. She was always pretty avoid-y, but she had been way more so in the past couple of weeks, and he was becoming concerned. She seemed so stressed, and she was getting sick, he knew. Was she eating correctly?

His thoughts made an immediate segue to his patient and her family. Sarah was a very mature young lady. He had actually been in contact with her school. The only blemish on her record was her abysmal attendance. She made good grades, though there was room for improvement. Her brothers, on the other hand, were always in fights, and their grades were extremely poor.

The mother, he thought distastefully, could take a few pointers from her daughter. Jennifer Johnson was a piece of work. According to Dr. Walker, it was extremely rare for her to visit Maddie, and when she did Maddie was usually left drawn and tired.

The worst part about being Maddie's doctor was seeing the family dynamic. Trevor and Robert were angry, teenage boys and Maddie seemed to be the glue holding them all together. He didn't want to be the one to jeopardize that. Unfortunately, the tumor was making the decision for him.

"What are you thinking about?" Addison's voice suddenly cut through the silence.

"Jesus!" Derek yelped.

"Not quite," Addison said dryly, amused. She rolled over and propped herself on her elbow.

"I thought you were asleep." If his heart rate was any indication, he was pretty close to dying of fright.

"How could I sleep with you thinking so loudly?" She paused and softened her voice. "You're thinking awfully hard tonight, Derek. What's going on?"

Derek stayed quiet, wondering if he could get away with suddenly deciding he was tired. Realizing that he actually needed to talk, he decided against it. "I have a new patient. Well, she's not exactly new..." He sighed frustratedly. "I've been a consult on this case for quite a while, but I finally met her today. Madeline Johnson, age 5. Anaplastic astrocytomas, grade three. There's not really a big chance there, and I don't know..." He sighed and scrubbed at his scruffy face. He really needed to shave. "I don't know if I can save her, Addie."

Addison reached up and ran a comforting hand through his hair, ignoring his sudden tenseness. "You're her best chance, Derek. If there's anyone that could possibly do it, it's you."

"Her sister. God, Add. She's like a mini-you, I swear. She's so responsible, all the time. She's all business, but you can really see how much she cares. I think," he frowned. "I think Maddie might be the focal point of her life."

Addison warmed to hear him talk about her in a positive light. "Derek, you can't get attached. You know what that means. There may be some delicate proceedure that could save her life, and you'll want to save her the pain. You can't do this."

Derek was suddenly frustrated at her. Why couldn't she understand that he was already attached? Meredith would understand, he thought vindictively. "Have you noticed Meredith acting strange lately?" he asked suddenly.

Addison's hand immediately retracted and her guard was up. She really hated when he brought up Meredith when they were having a one-on-one talk as husband and wife. "How do you mean?" she asked cautiously.

Derek mentally congratulated and berated himself at the same time. On one hand, he still wanted to punish Addison, to hurt her as much as she hurt him. On the other, he wanted to show her that he was moving on, moving past Meredith. "I dunno. She's been really _weird_ lately."

"I know what you mean," Addison reluctantly admitted. "She's been avoiding me--"

"Avoiding _you_? Really?" He couldn't help but tease her.

"More so than usual. I come her way, and she's practially mowing people down to get away. Then when we're in situations that are unavoidable, she gets spacey and flustered."

"With me too," Derek said flatly. He couldn't help his initial disappointment. The small hope that she was acting weird because of the flame she still carried for him was dashed. If she was acting the same around Addison, it probably had nothing to do with him.

"You don't think she's having some sort of psychiatric breakdown, do you?" Addison asked worriedly, choosing to ignored the obvious disappointment in his voice. It was just another shard into her already shredded heart.

Derek laughed, startled. "No," he chuckled. His amusement died down and he became serious again. "I think it has something to do with whatever she's come down with."

Addison studied the shadowed outline of his face. He had such a strong jaw, and beautiful lips. His nose worked for him, though it was a little oversized. "What do you mean?" He was such a good looking, good hearted man. Why couldn't he make room for her in that enormous heart of his?

Derek turned on his side to face his wife. "Today, she was vomiting. She's been pale and drowsy lately. I even caught her asleep in a patient's room the other day! I don't think there was a fever, but I did notice--"

Addison noticed his hesitation. "Tell me," she ordered, mentally willing him to detach. For no one's sake but her own, she willed him to be objective, at least in telling her symptoms.

"I noticed that she hasn't been eating too well, and the dark circles under her eyes are getting dark. She's not eating _or _sleeping, at least not very well. What if she's coming down with something serious?" He realized how passionate and worried he sounded and was glad for the cover of darkness so he didn't have to see the inevitable pain on Addison's face. It was always there when she realized he observed Meredith more than he should have.

"I'm sure she's fine," Addison said with quiet reserve. The only consolation she had these days were that _he_ chose _her_, but even that wasn't enough some days. He never noticed when she tossed and turned all night and had to layer her makeup to cover her dark circles, but he noticed _Meredith's_ eating habits.

"Yeah," Derek agreed faintly, his heart twisting. He was a horrible person. Beyond horrible. He didn't know why Addison stayed with him. He thought he was beyond hurting her, but Mark's presence nearly a month before brought back so many feelings of resentment and anger.

"Well, goodnight," Addison said after several moments of silence, turning her back on him.

Derek swallowed his feelings of resentment and hurt. He was going to try, he promised himself. He was going to make an honest go of it, and he was going to do it without needlessly hurting his wife.

Addison was surprised when Derek molded his body to hers. She welcomed it and tried, with everything in her, to ignore how tense he was. They were like to piece to a puzzle; they just fit. The hurt was locked away in a tiny box. Even as her heart broke a little at how much he had to try with her, a little hope sparked a flame of determination.

"I love you, Derek," Addison whispered into the darkness.

Derek pretended to be asleep.

_And I can't believe a thing you say.  
I can't believe a thing you say.  
You're told that selfishness will guide your path.  
What will you do when that just doesn't last?_


	4. Show Me What I'm Looking For

**I'm going off of the original story. I already have most of it written, for those of you who don't remember the original story. The characterizations will be very similar if not the same. The main difference is Maddie's role. I've also grown a little as a writer so there's also that reflection. That's the reason I'm rewriting: to better the story.**

Meredith sat in her bathtub with her knees pulled to her chest, staring at the pregnancy test laying face down at the opposite end of the tub. After three solid weeks of throwing up and one week since people started noticing and commenting, she finally accepted that she _might _be pregnant. She couldn't bring herself to look at it.

Scenarios kept running through her mind. What if she was? Would she be able to tell Mark? Oh, God, what about Derek? There were so many questions and no answers.

It was three o'clock in the morning and she was sitting in her bathtub afraid to look at a pregnancy test that could alter the course of her existence forever. Sighing, Meredith picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Who is this?" Cristina barked into the receiver. If it wasn't a really cool surgery, she was about to commit homicide.

"I need you to come over," Meredith said.

"Unless you're dead or dying, you _better _have a good explanation," Cristina growled, ignoring Burke's arms tightening around her.

Meredith leaned over and picked up the pregnancy test. "I'm pregnant," she said flatly.

Cristina froze. "I'll be right over." She flipped her phone shut and slid out of the cozy bed to find some clothes.

"Where are you going?" Burke asked groggily.

"Meredith's. She's having a crisis," Cristina said, slipping her feet into slippers. She wasn't going to bother with shoes.

"At this hour?" It was hard to comprehend much after such little sleep.

"Meredith's crises don't limit themselves to normal hours," she informed him, pausing to give him a long, lingering kiss. "This one will probably require many hours of talking so I'll see you tomorrow?"

Burke was left feeling very confused, which wasn't unusual considering his girlfriend's strange, close-knit relationship with Meredith Grey. He rolled over and pushed it out of his mind as he drifted back to sleep to the intoxicating scent of Cristina.

Cristina slipped into the bathroom and found Meredith curled up in the bathtub staring sightlessly at the shower head. "So, you're pregnant," she said by way of greeting.

Meredith shrugged. "That's what comes from, drunken, unbelievable, unprotected sex." She let her head fall forward to rest on her knee. "I just can't believe that this is happening to me."

Cristina sat beside the tub and copied Meredith's stance, without the burdened droop of the shoulders. "I guess I'm going to be your person?" she asked quietly.

Meredith shook her head. "No," she said miserably.

Cristina was deeply offended. "You were my person. Who _is_ your person then? Izzie? Seriously?"

Meredith half-laughed, half-cried. "I don't have a person," she clarified. She held up the pregnancy test. "I just found out."

"So I'm _going_ to be your person?" Cristina asked, just to be sure.

"I don't know," she said truthfully.

Cristina, once again, took offense. "You're going to have to be a little clearer when you insult me, Grey. Who, if not me, would be your person?" she demanded.

"Addison Shepherd?" Meredith suggested, dragging herself out of her thoughts long enough to joke.

"Right," Cristina snorted.

"She would probably do it if I asked her," Meredith pointed out, sliding down so she was laying. "She's just--a good person that way."

"And we're petty bitches who hate her," Cristina said, unimpressed. "Are we jumping on the Addison ship now that you're pregnant?"

"No," she laughed. Quickly sobering up, Meredith slowly rolled her head to look at Cristina. "You can't tell anyone."

"It's not like you'll make it embarrassingly public like I did," Cristina pointed out.

"No, I mean--" She clicked her tongue and sighed. "I slept with Mark Sloan, Cristina."

"Holy hell, Meredith. Was he, like, amazing? God, I'm so jealous right now." The implications suddenly hit her and she turned to look at Meredith with wide eyes. "You're carrying baby McSteamy?" she hissed.

Meredith nodded dejectedly.

"I kind of assumed it was either McDreamy's or you didn't know who the father was. Wow. So are you going to tell him before you..."

"I don't know if I can do it."

Cristina almost didn't catch the statement, it was so quiet. "Do what? Tell McSteamy?"

Meredith snorted. "I don't know if I can abort him or her." She gave Cristina a desperate, almost pleading look, willing her to understand.

Cristina clearly didn't. "Meredith, do you know what happens to pregnant interns? You have your entire career ahead of you! How could you possibly juggle a kid with residency and then becoming a world-class surgeon? Nannies? You know what it was like for you. You have more problems than almost anyone I know because of it."

The memories of her childhood were almost enough to decide for her. "What if this is my last chance?" she asked quietly.

Cristina lost her wind and frowned. "What do you mean?"

Meredith smoothed her hand over her stomach. "I mean...you have Burke. There will be another chance to have a kid somewhere down the road. _I_ don't have him--"

"You can have him," Cristina interrupted.

"Not _him_ him, but someone to spend the rest of my life with." God, she sounded like an idiot. "I feel like this baby might be my only chance."

Cristina sighed. "Okay, I understand that you need to think about it, but think about this. You're carrying baby McSteamy, meaning that it will be hell for you if people find out. Being a single mother will be hard enough. I just want you to think this through."

"I know." She smiled and stood up. "I'll make my decision and tell you what I decide. It's time to sleep."

George woke Izzie up the next morning. "Look what I found," he said to the half-asleep woman.

Izzie was brought completely out of sleep when she saw the positive pregnancy test in George's hand. "Oh my god," she whispered. "Where did you find it?"

"In the bathtub," George answered. "Cristina and Meredith are both asleep in Meredith's room. I don't know whose it is!"

Izzie sat back against the head board. "Meredith probably called Cristina all freaking out and stuff...or Cristina came over here because she was freaking out. It doesn't even matter. George, we're going to have a baby!"

Minutes later, Izzie burst into Meredith's room brandishing the pregnancy test like a wand. "Tell me who's pregnant," she ordered.

"It's Meredith," Cristina said instantly, pulling a pillow over her head to muffle the high-pitched voice.

Meredith put her foot in the middle of Cristina's back and pushed her out of the bed. "Squealer."

Izzie squealed. "You're going to have a baby?"

Meredith groaned and leaned over to look at her unfazed friend laying on the floor. She had taken all the blankets with her and was fast asleep again. "I am pregnant," she admitted, laying back.

"We're going to have a baby!" Izzie said happily. "Have you scheduled a doctor's appointment yet? What doctor are you going to have?"

Meredith thought longingly of sleep and envied Cristina for being able to sleep through Izzie's chatter. "One far away from the hospital," she said. Then she paused and frowned. "I don't even have a doctor's confirmation yet; just a home pregnancy test."

"And symptoms," Izzie pointed out. "I can't believe I didn't notice sooner!" She wiggled excitedly. "Can I come with you to the doctor? Oh, I can't _wait_."

"Iz," Meredith said quietly. Izzie, hearing the seriousness in Meredith's voice, paused in her excited rambling. "I don't even know if I can keep him or her."

The words sobered Izzie. "I know it will be hard," she said delicately, "but we can help you with late-night feedings and early-morning changings, and we can baby sit when you have to work and we're off."

The insistence and offers of help made Meredith's eyes sting. She was such an emotional, hormonal wreck. "I still haven't decided. When I do, after I've confirmed the pregnancy, I'll let you know."

Izzie reluctantly nodded and left to relay the conversation to George.

Meredith could hear their muffled voices. She unconsciously rubbed her stomach, not knowing what to do. The pregnancy test could've given a false positive, but Meredith knew her body and she knew something was different. She knew in her heart that she was pregnant.

-

Meredith swore Cristina to secrecy about Mark. She didn't want anyone to know she slept with him, even Izzie and George. Of course, she was more worried about Derek finding out, but she kept that to herself.

The doctor's confirmation was all she needed to send the other interns into a debate about whether or not she should keep the baby. Izzie was in the process of making a pro-con list when Cristina suddenly said, "Cheetoh."

Meredith immediately tensed, her fork in her mouth. She slowly turned around to see an amused Derek Shepherd. "Hey," he said with a charming smile.

Meredith was not endeared to him in the least, at least not with her stomach churning the way it was. "Did you need something?" she asked through her embarrassingly big bite of salad.

Derek raised his eyebrows and handed her the chart. "Maddie's surgery is today. I thought you would like to scrub in." His eyes ran over her pale face. "If you're up for it."

How could he ask that? "Of course she's up for it," Cristina cut in, offended on her friend's behalf.

Meredith shot her a grateful look and made to stand. Derek put his hand on her shoulder. "Eat," he prodded. "Her surgery's not for another several hours. I would like you to discuss the finer points of the surgery with her sister when she arrives within the next hour though."

Derek gave them all a dazzling smile and exited the cafeteria.

"He just ordered you to eat," Cristina said, whistling at his audacity.

"Who, Shepherd?" Alex asked, plopping down next to Izzie with his tray. He smirked when Meredith began eating again. "You're going obey his orders?"

"I'm _hungry_," Meredith retorted. "When I'm hungry, it's nice to actually eat. I was already planning on eating when he came up. Unless you think I should starve?"

Alex raised his eyebrows. "Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of a strange bed," he snapped.

Meredith dropped her fork and stood up. She looked like she was about to go postal on Alex, but she walked away without a word.

Izzie gave Alex an icy look and ran after Meredith. "Way to go." Cristina smacked him on the back of the head. "Truly." She followed Izzie.

Alex shrugged and picked up Izzie's juice. He hadn't really said anything that wasn't already expected of him. They were just mental.

"Alex is an ass," Izzie said breathlessly, catching up to Meredith. "He says things. Don't listen to him, Mer."

Meredith turned to her and smiled. "He was right though."

"About what exactly?" Izzie demanded.

"I'm pregnant from a one-night-stand, and I still get this feeling in my stomach every time I see Derek--"

"Nausea is expected in pregnancy," Izzie pointed out jokingly.

Meredith let out a cross between a laugh and a sob. "I can't keep this baby," she said sadly. "It's me. I'm the dirty ex-mistress who fell in love with her married boss. I slept with a man who was in love with another woman and now I'm pregnant with his baby."

"I thought you didn't remember who it was!" Izzie said.

Meredith sighed. She hadn't exactly said that, but Izzie assumed. "I have to go talk to Sarah," she evaded, ducking into a closing elevator.

-

Meredith was sitting in her room staring at the ceiling, just thinking. She'd been doing that a lot since _that night_.

Maddie's surgery had gone without a hitch, and she was in recovery. It wasn't a miracle surgery, where she got to walk straight out of the hospital and lived a long, painless life, but it was a start.

She was getting too close, she knew, but Maddie was just so loveable and easy to talk to. She made everyone around her love her and want to make everything better. Her older sister was the same way, and Meredith couldn't help feeling a connection. Sarah was intelligent, and she was constantly online, pretty much researching everything Meredith talked to her about.

The best thing she could do was excuse herself from the case, but how could she? She reached for the phone and dialed the hospital, checking up with a nurse on Maddie's recovery.

After hanging up with the hospital, Meredith didn't put down the phone. She stared at it for a long while before dialing information and getting the phone number to the hospital in New York where Mark worked. She needed to know if she was making the right decision in terminating the pregnancy.

When the phone was answered, Meredith felt like her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth. "Hello?" the voice on the other end said, annoyed that no one was answering.

Meredith took a deep breath. "Mark Sloan," she blurted.

"Excuse me?"

"Dr. Mark Sloan. He's a surgeon. Is he...there?" Meredith silently cursed her awkwardness.

"He's in surgery right now. Do you want to leave him a message?"

Meredith shook her head and hung up. Mark didn't need to know. She would just have to trust herself. Terminating the pregnancy was her decision and she didn't need anyone else to confirm whether or not she was doing the right thing.

She bolted to the bathroom and emptied her stomach. It was the right thing to do...right?

_Don't let go  
I've wanted this far too long  
Mistakes become regrets  
I've learned to love abuse  
Please show me what I'm looking for  
_


	5. Kiss Me Thru the Phone

**I got about two hundred hits on the last chapter alone, half of which I got the first day. But I've only received THREE reviews! Please review. It helps with the muse**

Mark came out of a facial reconstruction surgery and was immediately approached by a nurse. "Someone called for you," she said distractedly, looking through a chart.

Mark looked at her expectantly, but she didn't seem willing to give any more information. "And?" he prodded.

"They didn't leave a message or a name, but it was a woman. She sounded awkward and timid." She shrugged. "All I know is that it was a long distance call from Seattle."

Mark smiled widely. "I could kiss you," he whooped. He turned and practically ran into the locker room.

The nurse stood there. "Why didn't you?" she mumbled disappointedly.

Mark changed into his street clothes, his heart thudding in his chest. He was sure the call was from Meredith. Awkward and timid didn't fit Addison or anyone else that would possibly call from Seattle. Plus, he couldn't get her off his mind. It wasn't because of the sex, though fantastic didn't even cover it. It was her bed hair and her awkward pillow talk. He didn't really know what it was, but he kept trying to piece the night together.

It had been eight weeks.

Eight weeks of spacing out. Eight weeks of embarrassing himself by thinking inappropriate thoughts at the worst times. Eight weeks of wondering what Meredith was doing every second of every day.

Mark took a deep breath and pocketed his cell phone. How can someone fall in love from one night? Wasn't he supposed to be in love with Addison, the woman he ruined his friendship with Derek over?

Outside the hospital, he hailed a cab and tried to figure out the best course of action. Smirking to himself, he looked through his contact list on his cell phone for a number he pilfered off of Meredith's cell phone. He listened to it ring.

Meredith answered the phone. "Yeah?" she asked groggily.

"That's not proper phone etiquette," Mark said disapprovingly.

Meredith was brought out of her half-asleep state. "How did you get this number?" she demanded, belatedly realizing that she should probably be a little more polite.

"I'm hurt," Mark said, unable to keep the smile from his tone, "Is that any way to greet your fellow dirty ex-mistress?"

"You got it from my cell phone," she realized, remembering the phone that had been slipped into her mailbox the day after their night together.

"So I did," Mark said agreeably. He paid the driver and got out of the taxi at his apartment building.

"Why did you call me?"

"Who said I called you?" Meredith asked defensively. She distinctly remembered hanging up when asked to leave a message.

"Long distance call from Seattle. Awkward and timid woman. The only reasons I would get calls from Seattle would be for business and... Addison wouldn't call so, you. Business people usually call when normal people are awake and are usually pretty business-like. Business people don't show fear. So, are you going to tell me why you called?"

"No," she decided.

"Fine," Mark said. "What are you wearing?" He received an odd look from an older gentleman in the elevator but promptly ignored it.

Meredith tried to ignore the shiver that made its way down her spine. "Are you trying to initiate phone sex?" she asked.

"Yes," Mark said bluntly, getting off at the top floor.

"I've never had phone sex before and I'm not sure you're the best person to have it with," she said.

"Come on! I gave you multiple orgasms. We had drunken sex. Then we had sober sex. Who better to have phone sex with than me?" He tossed his keys on the coffee table and plopped down on the couch.

"Look, Mark. I didn't expect to see or talk to you again after that night." Meredith played with her blankets. His voice was wreaking havoc on her equilibrium and her emotions. She wanted to cry and laugh all at once. She wanted to be held. She covered her face with her hands. She was turning into an emotional wreck.

"It's just a little release," Mark said, smirking. "It'll be fun. Plus, it's just words. You don't really have to do anything. Just talk."

"With talking comes imagining," Meredith pointed out wisely.

Mark chuckled, making Meredith's face immediately flame. "So it does," he agreed softly.

"I didn't mean it that way," Meredith said defensively.

"So, what are you wearing?" Mark tried again.

Meredith rolled her eyes and laid back. She hadn't changed her mind about terminating the pregnancy. She was doing what was best for the general population. "A pair of jogging pants and the shirt you gave me."

Mark was thoroughly delighted by her answer. She was playing along _and _she was wearing his shirt. "Anything underneath?"

-

Cristina glared at Meredith when she sat down. "What is _wrong_ with you?" she demanded.

Meredith's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?" she asked carefully. Maybe she knew. Maybe everyone knew. Was her phone tapped?

"You've been moping since Barbie's offspring pulled through the surgery and now you're all sunshine and daisies, or roses or some other frilly flower."

Meredith rolled her eyes. Right. It was just Cristina being Cristina. If anyone was "overly happy", there had to be a good reason. "There is _nothing_ wrong with me," she said, trying to keep the smile from spreading across her face.

Izzie and George sat down just as something clicked in Cristina's mind. "You're keeping it, aren't you?" she accused, sitting up straighter.

"Keeping what?" Alex asked as he sat down.

"Why are you sitting here, Evil Spawn? Go away," Cristina ordered, "before I get a priest in here to exorcise you."

Alex took a big bite of his sandwich, seemingly to show Cristina that she wasn't the boss of him.

Meredith's good mood diminished at that. The hopeful, puppy eyes Izzie and George were shooting her didn't help her mood any. "No," she said forlornly, "I'm not."

"Good," Cristina said firmly. Izzie and George glared at her, perfectly in synch. "Oh shut up. Just 'cause you want a little brother or sister doesn't mean she's going to pull one out of her vagina."

"Cristina!" Meredith protested as Alex choked on that huge bite he'd just taken of his sandwich. Everyone ignored him as he tried to get the morsel dislodged from his windpipe.

"What?" Cristina said. "It's not like it wouldn't get out eventually. With Blondie and her dirty word scrabble. She would spell it out on her board, get paged, and that heart guy would fall asleep or go into cardiac arrest. A nurse would find the words 'Meredith', 'pregnant', and 'one-night stand' and put it all together."

Izzie finally noticed Alex coughing up a lung and slapped him on the back a couple of times. He gulped down her water and glared at Meredith. "You're pregnant?" he rasped.

"Don't worry," Meredith said, "It's not yours."

"You mean that wasn't you that I had bent over the hood of my car a couple of weeks ago?" he asked crudely.

Meredith snorted. "It was probably one of the nurses from the third floor. I hear you're pretty popular with them."

"Unprotected sex, Grey?" Alex taunted. "You're slipping. I thought all those men would've taught you something. Although, I can't say I didn't see it coming. You're just a statistic waiting to happen. A single intern in love with her boss, who happens to be married, pregnant from a drunken one-night stand."

George chuckled slightly and everyone turned their glares on him. "What?" he asked cluelessly.

"Oh, sorry. Not supposed to laugh at that..." He looked down at his tray.

"Go jump off a cliff, Evil Spawn," Cristina said callously, swiping his cake from his tray. She turned to Meredith, protecting the cake with her body as Alex made a grab for it. "Tell me when and I'll be there."

Meredith nodded and picked at what was left on her tray. Alex and Cristina got into it when Cristina actually began eating the cake, but she was uninterested. Talking to Mark was opening her up to the idea of a relationship with him. She wasn't relationship girl, especially after Derek, but maybe...?

"Do you even know who the father is?" Alex suddenly asked, bringing Meredith out of her reverie. He enjoyed watching the other interns squirm at his blunt, sometimes hurtful comments and questions.

"Yes," Meredith said, having swallowed her food. She ignored Cristina's knowing look, as well as the others' questioning looks.

"It's Shepherd's, isn't it?" Alex asked.

Meredith yawned. "No," she answered, standing up.

When she was gone, Alex turned to George. "Is it yours? Did you finally grow a pair and jump 'er?" he asked.

George rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Alex," he muttered.

"Right. You have the big chick with the nice--"

"Alex," Izzie snapped. "Shut _up_!"

Because it was Izzie, he did but only momentarily. "Has that boy of yours died yet?" he asked flippantly.

Izzie left, but not before threatening Alex with castration by a rusty scalpel if he breathed a word of Meredith's pregnancy to anyone.

Unfortunately, Addison happened to hear the tail-end of their conversation. Only her fears kept her from running to Meredith and asking about the pregnancy. She was trying to trust her husband, but he was obviously still hung up on the intern. There was a possibility that he...it was an absurd thought though. He wouldn't...right?

-

Meredith checked her text messages as she headed to Maddie's room. _Ever heard of sexting?_ She snorted and sent Mark a quick message back.

"Hey, Maddie," she said brightly to the small girl. Trevor, her oldest brother, was playing on a hand held gaming system by the window.

"Sarah's at school," he said darkly when he saw Meredith's eyes on him.

Meredith raised her eyebrows and decided not to respond. Males in general, besides Mark, were a source of annoyance for her on this particular day. "How are you feeling today, Maddie?" she asked gently.

Maddie's eyes roamed aimlessly before settling on Meredith's face. "I'm tired," she said softly.

"It's the after affects of the anesthesia. You'll probably be tired for a little while, but then you'll start feeling better, okay?"

Maddie licked her dry, cracked lips. "Can I go back to school?"

Trevor made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, but his eyes were on the game when Meredith glanced at him. "Probably not." Meredith adjusted her blankets. "We have a test scheduled in a few hours. We're going to look at your brain and see if there's any improvement, okay?"

Maddie nodded and let her eyes close. Meredith turned and narrowed her eyes at Trevor. "When is Sarah going to return?" she asked suspiciously.

Trevor bristled at her suspicious tone. "I'm not her keeper," he said snidely.

Meredith narrowed her eyes. Sometimes she hated teenagers, especially smartass male ones. When she was safely in the elevator, she found that she had three new messages.

When Derek boarded, he found Meredith's face flaming as she typed furiously on her phone. "Dirty texts, Dr. Grey?" he teased. When Meredith shot him a wide-eyed, mortified look, he burst out laughing. "You're sending dirty text messages?"

"No," Meredith said defensively. "It was a forward." How did she get herself into these situations? Mark was going to be the death of her.

"Yeah?" Derek scrunched his nose thoughtfully. "Forward it to me."

Meredith pretended to think about it. She decided she wouldn't do it even if it really was a forward. "No," she said with finality.

Derek stared at her. "Okay." It was very agreeable and Meredith turned to look at him incredulously. He gave her a tight smile and exited.

Meredith sighed and pulled out her phone. She smirked at his latest text message. _I was eating Mer! God I dont want to do the sexting thing nemore_

Cristina entered the elevator and raised her eyebrows. She waited until the doors closed before rounding on Meredith. "What's going on with you?" she demanded. She saw the protest on Meredith's face and shook her head. "Does it have to do with Mark Sloan?"

Meredith looked down at her phone and then held it out to Cristina.

Cristina stared at her and then slowly took the phone. "Seriously?" she asked, skimming through the messages. "You're having _text sex_ with _McSteamy_?"

Meredith gestured helplessly. "I don't know what to say." She followed Cristina out of the elevator. "I contacted him because I was going to tell him, but then--"

"You thought it would be better to have phone sex through _texting_?" Cristina pulled Meredith into an on-call room and gave her a stern look. "Talking with Sloan is going to lead to second guessing. You can't second guess, Meredith." She ducked her head and to make Meredith look at her. "You're not going to have babies chasing you around the surgical floor and I don't do good with kids so there's little to no chance of me baby sitting. You're going to be a surgeon, Meredith."

Meredith leaned against the wall and let her head fall back to stare at the ceiling. "Would it really change so much if I had a baby?" she asked quietly.

Cristina stared at her as if she were insane. "Would it--yes! Meredith, you can't just _have_ a baby. Do you know what taking care of a baby entails? Time. Sleep deprivation. It's not like you have a husband or significant other to help you."

Meredith glared at her friend. "I thought you would support me no matter what I chose?"

"First of all, I never said that. You must be confusing me with _Izzie_. Second of all, I might support you if you were doing it for the right reasons. But all you're thinking about is your fluffy feelings for Sloan and cute little baby clothes." Cristina gave her a hard look.

"So what would be the right reasons?" Meredith demanded.

"I don't know. Being pro-life? You can't just have a baby because you want someone to love you unconditionally."

It was like she reached in and grabbed hold of Meredith's most secret desire surrounding the baby. "My appointment is next Wednesday. I have to do the mandatory counseling until then, but it's still on."

The rant Cristina was about to start on to get Meredith to listen to her dissipated. "Why didn't you just start the conversation with that?" She gave her friend and exasperated, how-am-I-still-your-friend look. "I segued into this little talk because I thought you were about to jump off the metaphorical cliff."

Meredith wrinkled her nose at the metaphor. "Thanks, Cristina," she said sincerely. She was unsure of whether or not she actually meant it, but she knew the other intern was just trying to be a good friend.

Cristina shrugged and exited the room.

"You know," Derek said when Meredith walked out, "I thought it would hurt a lot more the first time I caught you in an on-call room with another person. I think I'm closer to bliss than pain." He grinned when Meredith glared at him.

Meredith rolled her eyes and headed toward the elevator. She stepped into the elevator, which was empty except for Addison Shepherd. Momentarily considering running, she pressed the button to close the doors and decided she was finished running.

"Meredith." It wasn't exactly a confrontational tone, but she needed the other girl to listen to her and give her answers. "I need to ask you--I mean. I overheard--You and Derek haven't--"

Meredith slowly looked at her. "What?" she asked dumbly. There was no way she was asking what Meredith thought she was asking because there was no reason for her to ask.

Addison fidgeted. Either the girl was playing dumb or she actually had no idea. "I overheard you in the cafeteria--"

Meredith's eyes widened with comprehension and she suddenly felt faint. "Oh, God. You think I'm--with Derek's--" She stared at the other woman with something akin to horror. "No, Addison, not since your arrival."

Addison sagged with relief. She hadn't really believed it, but it felt good to have audio confirmation from one of the parties involved. "I'm sorry," she said when the doors opened. "I just had to make sure."

Meredith didn't know if she actually acknowledged the apology before she fled.

-

"I'm freaking out."

Mark bit into his sandwich. "Why are you freaking out?" he asked through a mouthful of food.

"I--" Meredith groaned. "This is serious, Mark, and you're just...eating. What's that about?"

"I'm sorry." Mark grinned at the thought of Meredith's 'worked-up' face. "Talk to me, Grey."

"Addison thinks--thought I slept with Derek."

"Didn't you? Weren't you living in sin in the wilderness or something?" He covered the mouthpiece and took another bite.

"No! I mean recently--because of you!" Meredith paced across her bedroom floor. "People _know_. _Cristina_ knows, Mark!"

Mark choked down his sandwich before trying to defend himself. "Hey. I'm on the other side of the country. You're the only person I have been in contact with since leaving Seattle."

Meredith groaned in frustration and fell back onto her bed. "Okay, I may have been exaggerating a little. Cristina is the only one that knows, but Addison overheard something about our night together and assumed Derek was the subject of the conversation."

Mark sighed. "That does tend to happen when you're worried about your significant other turning to his ex." His appetite took a down turn and he tossed his unfinished sandwich into the trash. "I don't really like the subject matter of this conversation." His face adopted a sly grin. "Talk to me about something that doesn't involve _our_ exes. I'm not opposed to hearing about your sordid past, either."

Rolling her eyes, Meredith grasped for something besides _I'm pregnant with your offspring_. She wasn't in the mood for any sordid past conversations. That was a conversation for a different, less sober time. "There's this little girl whose case I've been helping out with. Her family is pretty messed up..."

_Baby you know that I miss you, I wanna get with you tonight  
But I cannot baby girl and that's the issue  
Girl you know I miss you, I just wanna kiss you  
But I can't right now so baby kiss me thru the phone_


	6. Half of My Mistakes

"What the fuck did you do to my sister?"

"Trevor, watch your damn mouth," Sarah snapped. She turned to Derek. "You need to explain to us why our little sister is having seizures because there's going to be some damage inflicted here, and I'm not guaranteeing that it's not going to be done toward this expensive machinery."

Derek bit back a grin at her wording. It wasn't the time for smiles, and he knew that none of the Johnson kids would appreciate it. "The surgery I performed on Maddie was not a guaranteed fix. I got as much of the tumor I could, but there was damage I hadn't anticipated and I had to close earlier than I wanted." He shifted slightly. "Because of the surgery, there is a bigger possibility that the chemo will finish what I essentially started, but--"

"But now she has seizures," Sarah finished in a hard voice. Any good humor was gone, and she stood before her two brothers as a defense of anything that could possibly hurt them.

"It's not a good sign, but it's not a bad sign either." Derek breathed in deeply and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "I know you're angry with me, but there's no way I could have known. The surgery was a success, Sarah."

"Yeah?" Sarah asked. She narrowed her eyes and leaned forward intently. "There's a surgeon in Miami that I've been emailing. He thinks he can really help Maddie. Give me one reason I shouldn't have her transferred."

Derek sat back in his chair, brows raised. Sarah meant business. "Can I think about it or do you need the reason at this moment?"

"Don't get cute with me, _Dr._ Shepherd. I understand that you're a good surgeon, the best on the west coast, but there's always room for improvement. I need my sister to live, and I will transfer her as many times as I need to in order to make that possible."

The door clicked behind her, and even her brothers looked stunned at her vehemence. Bobby followed her without a word, but Trevor lingered.

"Don't make me bend you over my knee," Derek joked warily.

Trevor narrowed his eyes as if daring him to try. "I want to understand what's going on with Maddie," he said begrudgingly, his eyes moving to his feet. "I'm not good with researching like Sarah, or even science or whatever, but I do know how to care for her when she can't keep anything down after her treatments. Can you--explain it to me?"

Derek studied the boy closely for hint of mockery. "Okay," he said agreeably. He gestured at the chair Sarah had been previously using to take out her frustrations on. "The first thing we'll talk about is the seizures and why they're happening."

-

Cristina and Meredith were on their way to the clinic for Meredith's appointment. Cristina was driving and Meredith was sitting in the passenger seat with her feet braced on the dash. She was debating whether or not to call Mark. It wasn't too late to tell him he was going to be a father.

Meredith let her head fall forward to rest on her knee. It would do no good to tell him he was going to be a father when she was about to terminate the pregnancy.

Since that first call almost two weeks earlier, she had talked to Mark almost every day. It hadn't only consisted of dirty talk, but of...everything: Izzie and her dirty word scrabble, Alex's general evilness, George and Callie, adorable Maddie and her dysfunctional family..._everything_. Even Derek and Addison.

"Stop," Cristina ordered, giving Meredith an annoyed look.

"What?" Meredith asked with a puzzled frown. She hadn't done anything particularly annoying since getting into the car. What was Cristina's problem?

"You're being all sad. It looks like you want to talk, but I'm not good at the whole talking thing." She gave Meredith a quick glare as if she were about to suddenly force Cristina into some deep and meaningful conversation.

"I don't need to talk," Meredith protested weakly. Her hand was inching toward her pocket. "It's just--"

"Seriously!" Cristina honked the horn and flipped an elderly woman off as she swerved. "You probably need to talk to someone before you..." she hesitated, "make this decision." She mentally rolled her eyes at her delicate wording. Meredith was a big girl.

Meredith clutched at her phone. She desperately wanted to make the call. "I did the counciling," she said almost defensively.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "You actually listen to that line of shit they're feeding you? Because that's exactly what it is: shit. If--Bitch! Get the hell off the road!" She laid on the horn, letting out her frustrations. "Non-driving sons of bitches."

Meredith slowly skimmed through her contact list, though she knew the number by heart. God, she was so pathetic. She hit the send button and slowly put the phone to her ear.

Cristina glanced at her and mentally sighed in relief. Meredith was probably calling Izzie. The blonde was good at the touchy feely crap.

"Yeah?" Mark yawned into the phone.

"Did I wake you?" Meredith asked worriedly. She took her feet off the dash and sat them on the floor.

"Yeah," he purred, rolling onto his back and tucking his arm behind his head. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Meredith groaned, ignoring Cristina's road rage. "I'm having a...very bad day," she said, her hand hovering around her mid-section. She didn't want to get attached to the thought of a mini-McSteamy, but the truth was the visual was becoming more and more pronounced each time she talked with him.

"You on Shepherd's service again?" Mark asked sympathetically. It wasn't that she was being treated badly. She was under the weather, and he was treating her as if she would break. It was so classical Derek that he couldn't help feeling more endeared than annoyed on her behalf.

"No. I'm just--There's something I'm about to do, and I don't know if it's the right thing. I don't want to regret it tomorrow." She tried to ignore Cristina's road rage as she battled her way through Seattle.

Mark laughed. "The truth is you won't know for sure until it's all said and done. You may regret it, but at least you're doing something for the moment."

"You're very philosophical so soon after working up," Meredith observed with a small smile.

"My unconscious mind is invaded by wise men of the ancient past. It goes away after my first cup of coffee."

Meredith laughed out loud. "Thank you, Mark."

"Anytime."

"You called _Sloan_?" Cristina demanded as they pulled into the parking lot parallel to the clinic.

"Sue me," Meredith muttered. She stared at the building, feeling as if she was making the biggest mistake of her entire life.

Cristina stayed silent to allow Meredith to steel herself. "Ready?" she asked softly.

"Ready," Meredith said unconvincingly. She straightened her back and marched into the clinic ahead of Cristina.

"I guess she's gonna do this," Cristina muttered, following her friend inside.

-

Meredith walked into her house and was immediately bombarded with Izzie's baking. When the girl felt any emotion besides the frequent and unpleasant laziness, she tended to bake. She picked up a cookie and bit into it as she sat at the dining room table.

"Are you okay?" Callie asked hesitantly. She had been hanging around the house more and more since she began dating George. Though she didn't exactly like the other girl due to her complete inability to stand on her own two feet, she was sympathetic toward the difficult choice Meredith had to make.

"I'm fine," Meredith said, spraying cookie across the various magazines and mail spread across the table. "I couldn't do it."

Izzie turned around so fast cake batter flew out of the bowl she had in her hands. "You're having the baby?" she squealed, paying no heed to the batter.

"I'm having the baby," Meredith confirmed. Izzie's excitement added to her own and she couldn't contain her grin.

Izzie started forward, and her foot went directly into the cake batter. She shrieked as she slid straight into George, sending them both to the floor.

Callie and Meredith cringed as George's head bounced off the floor no less than three times.

"Oh, God." Izzie looked down at George. "Are you okay?"

Moaning in pain, George lightly pushed Izzie. "I will be when you get off of me."

Meredith bit her lip to keep from laughing, but she soon gave up and let it out.

"She's pregnant," Callie said, shrugging when Izzie and George looked at her.

"I am," Meredith said through her laughter, "I really am."

"Ugh. I have to clean up this mess," Izzie said.

George finally pulled himself off the floor, wincing at the pain in his head. There would definitely be a knot.

_Half of my mistakes I've made 'cause I was moving to quickley  
Half of them where made 'cause my heart was moving too slow  
Nobody can tell you a damn thing, if you ain't listening  
Oh, And half of my mistakes I've made 'cause I could'nt let go_


	7. Make You Feel My Love

_A/N It's been a little while. I hope to kinda make it up with this chapter. I had a snow day today and I have a snow day tomorrow so let's see how this will go. I'm back in the writing mode right now so it's a good day. Oh, and something about Maddie: she will play a central role but I felt that she was way too involved in the last story. So to Maddie fans: there will much less of her in this one. The song is Make You Feel My Love by Adele_

**_Make You Feel My Love_**

Meredith was intercepted by a nurse when she was on the way to the cafeteria. "The chief wants to see you in his office," she said monotonously, looking like she would rather be anywhere else.

The stale hamburgers were calling out to Meredith, and she did not want to resist the calling. "Now?" she asked breathlessly, hungry. At that moment, it did not matter that her child hated anything and everything she ate and that it would make a reappearance. She was hungry.

The nurse blinked. "No," she said, "He sent me here _now_ because he doesn't want to see you 'til next week." She rolled her eyes and turned away.

Meredith made a face at her retreating back. Contemplating her choices, she sighed mournfully and said a mental goodbye to a semi-decent lunch.

After being encouraged by the receptionist to go sit in the chief's office, Meredith was somewhat shocked to find Derek and Addison already standing in the office talking quietly.

"Meredith," Derek said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

Meredith suddenly wished she had gone with her initial thought and had lunch instead of obeying the summons. "Well, I thought I was being summoned to the chief's office, but maybe I got something mixed up.." She started to back out and ran into Chief Webber.

"You didn't get anything wrong, Grey. Go ahead and take a seat." He nodded to Derek and Addison as well.

Meredith waited until Derek took a seat at the far left before taking the seat at the far right, leaving Addison with the chair in the middle. It was no different from the real life situation, Addison thought ironically as she took the seat.

"I'm sure you're all wondering why you're here," Webber said, smiling at the three. He felt terrible for the bomb he was about to drop. He was met with blank, slightly glazed looks.

Feeling like a teacher in a classroom full of bored students, he began speaking. "As you all know, there's a very rich, very powerful young man who was recently in a car accident." Everyone in Washington, possibly even the surrounding states, knew of the accident. "His injuries were confined to his face, and, although he will live a perfectly normal life, he wants his face back—"

"Richard," Addison said warningly, suddenly knowing where his speech was headed.

"Dr. Sloan will be flying in from New York to work this case." The finality of his words, he felt, was not up for debate.

Apparently, the feeling was not the same for everyone else. "Why him?" Derek demanded at the same time Addison began protesting.

"Drs. Shepherd," Richard said sternly. "If we're going to save this man's face, we need the best. Like it or not Sloan is the best."

Derek's grip on his armrest tightened, and he had the sudden urge to inflict violence on the nearest thing. He flinched and jerked his hand away when Addison's skin touched his. "There are many plastic surgeons in this area that aren't backstabbing, conniving, arrogant—"

"This is not up for debate. My mind is made up, and I'm sorry that it interferes with your personal lives. While he is here, though, you _will keep your hands to yourself_." Richard gave Derek his most severe look. "If you inflict bodily harm to Sloan while he is in this hospital, I will be forced to take action."

The gravity of the situation weighed heavily on all occupants of the room and silence encompassed the doctors. "I get why we're here," Addison said slowly, "but why is Grey here?"

Webber cleared his throat. "Sloan was kind enough to suggest I warn you three. He gave no reasons, though some were painfully obvious."

Meredith glanced up from her shoes to see all three sets of eyes on her. "What?" she snapped, suddenly angry at Mark for putting her in such a situation. She did not want to witness The Shepherd Marriage Issues up close and personal. "I don't know why he wanted to warn me! He didn't sleep with _my_ wife!"

The accusation clear, Derek and Addison flushed with shame and looked away. Even though the comment was undoubtedly aimed at Derek, Addison still felt the sting of it.

Surprised at how quickly the anger came and went, Meredith took a deep breath and muttered, "Sorry." Her eyes, once again, drifted to her shoes and she felt the need to curl into a ball and cry.

"You're dismissed."

Meredith was out almost before the words left his mouth. She found a storage closet and immediately called Mark.

"What?" Mark snapped into the receiver without looking at the caller ID. He was at the airport and the people, combined with the security, were grating on his nerves.

"Why did you have Webber call me in with the Shepherds?" she demanded, the anger returning.

A devilish grin spread across Mark Sloan's face. He was not a stupid man and had rightly predicted her anger. However, it had taken all his effort not to call Derek up and throw it in his face that _he_ had the girl. Sometimes, though, subtlety was required. "Sorry about that. I thought you'd like a little warning."

"You could've called me, emailed me, _texted _me. What? Smoke signal out too?" Meredith closed her eyes and tried to get a hold on her rampant emotions. A headache was rapidly developing, and she was ready to cry.

"I figured sending out a smoke signal was a little outdated," he said innocently.

"You wanted them to find out!"

Busted. "Uh, Mer. I think I could've gotten either of them on the phone by now if I really wanted them to know." He waited with abated breath to see if she would buy it.

Meredith knew he was full of it but she just rolled with it. "You're really coming?" she asked in a small voice.

Mark grinned. "I'm about to board the plane," he said calmly. "I know I might be reaching here, but I would like to see you while I'm in Seattle."

Calming her racing heart, Meredith nodded. She then realized that he wouldn't be able to see her and answered, "Of course."

The mild tone did not suggest the excitement Mark had been hoping to entice, but he figured that was something he could change when he arrived. "I'm literally about to board. I'll call you when I land."

"See you when you get here."

Meredith exasperatedly glanced at her cell phone and saw Mark was calling. "Is this case getting in the way of something, Grey?" Derek asked amusedly. He easily picked up on her fidgeting and obvious need to leave, but Maddie was being a small child. She was grumpy and fighting everyone about everything.

Knowing what was coming, Maddie begged not to be sedated and asked to see Meredith. She was quite compliant with the young intern, and it annoyed Sarah to no end.

"No, Dr. Shepherd. I was getting a phone call, but it's not important." The smile she gave him felt so fake, and she was so frustrated that she had to lie that it nearly hurt her face. She had not only had to push her doctor appointment back a few hours, but she was going to have to go to the doctor and then straight to see Mark.

"Mm-hmm," he said teasingly. It was sometimes difficult to be Meredith's friend, but sometimes, when he pretended they were still together, he could tease her like a "friend" would.

Meredith ignored him and went into Maddie's room. "Hey, Maddie," she said cheerfully. "I hear that you no longer want to listen to our nurses."

"I want to go home," Maddie said, pouting and glaring at Derek. She looked imploringly at Meredith, her eyes beginning to droop from exhaustion. Her body had been putting her through a lot, and she could only stay awake for short stints at a time. "I haven't seen Trevor and Bobby since the other day, and Sarah won't let me get outta bed. I just want to play with my barbies and trucks. I hate it here!" Her lip started quivering.

Meredith's heart went out to the little girl. "We're just trying to get you better, okay? I know you miss your brothers, but your sister is just doing what the doctors want."

Sarah shot Meredith a grateful look for taking the blame. She hated being the bad guy, especially to Maddie.

"My body shakes now," Maddie began to sob in earnest. "That didn't happen before."

Meredith crouched beside the bed. "Dr. Shepherd is the very best at what he does. He'll find a way to help you, okay? Even if he can't do it himself, he'll find someone that can." She gestured for a nurse to come in. "Until then, will you allow this nice nurse to give you medicine?"

Maddie glared at the approaching nurse. She was tired and sick, and she was trying her very best to understand everything that was going on. She just couldn't.

Sarah stepped back as soon as she saw her sister go into a seizure. She bit back a cry when they turned her onto her side. It was heartbreaking to see her baby sister so frail and sick, but she would take that over seeing her go into seizures.

Meredith was exhausted. She almost wanted to call Mark and tell him their reunion was going to have to wait. Maddie's seizures had progressed, and Derek was frustrated. Something happened during the surgery that caused the seizures, and Derek was hoping that whatever happened was helping dislodge the tumor.

Besides that, Meredith made it to the doctor's office quite late. They had been able to squeeze her in with little problems. She heard her baby's heartbeat and found out—though she already knew—that she was nine weeks along. Her body was changing, but the slight swell of her belly was barely noticeable. Mark, who had been intimately acquainted with her body only once, would likely not notice the difference—at least until she told him about the pregnancy.

Mark was a little surprised when Meredith knocked on his door. It was still pretty early, but she hadn't answered her phone. He assumed she didn't want to see him.

Meredith shifted awkwardly. "Hey," she gave him a small wave. She was still in her scrubs, having been in a hurry to get to the doctor's office. She felt like the moment was inadequate considering the feelings she'd been having toward him, not to mention that she was carrying his child.

Mark pulled her into the room and shut the door. "I thought we could have dinner," he said without preamble.

Meredith looked down at her scrubs and suddenly wished she had taken the time to change. "Oh. I'm not really dressed for a night out…"

"Then we'll make it a night in," Mark said softly, his eyes burning into hers. He stepped closer.

Meredith smirked to herself, relaxing. She was more in her element, backing up a little as Mark stepped gradually closer.

Mark's eyes narrowed. He could tell by the slight quirk of her lips and the mirth in her eyes that she was playing with him. He stepped closer and gleefully realized that there was a door behind her.

Meredith realized the same thing at the same moment. Mark put his hands on either side of her head and leaned in. He dipped her head slightly to look into her eyes. "I think this requires a proper hello," he said gruffly before capturing her lips with his.

Meredith's arms snaked around his neck as she found herself pinned against the door by Mark's body. Mark pulled away and pushed the hair away from her face. "Hello, Meredith," he said softly.

"Hello, Mark," she answered breathless before pulling him back in. Who needed food?

Mark slowly let his hands drift down her sides and suddenly grabbed her legs and hoisted her up. She immediately responded by wrapping her legs around his waist. He nipped her lip as he walked back toward the bed.

Meredith moaned when his lips trailed down her jaw to her neck. She clutched helplessly at his head when his teeth scraped against her skin and his teeth latched onto her earlobe.

Mark grunted when he fell back onto the bed with Meredith on top of him. He immediately relieved her of her shirt and bra. "You've put on weight," he said approvingly, cupping her breasts.

Before Meredith could make any excuses or defend herself, he leaned forward and took her nipple into his mouth. All rational thought flew out the window and she decided to just enjoy herself.

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true_

_Nothing that I wouldn't do_

_Go to the ends of the earth for you_

_To make you feel my love_


End file.
